Home Design Project #62738


The time has finally come.

3 months ago I left NYC and moved into a new (empty) apartment in Chicago after approximately 72 hours of apt hunting (hell).

The next couple of months had me befriending couch salesmen, threatening to sue Amazon, constructing tables from scratch and sending questionable invites to anyone working at HGTV (Finally, a use for LinkedIn).

One thing about home decorating/design/furniture buying was learned:

It separates the aggressive from the emotionally unstable.



The couch it took 579 magical elves 90 days to construct is in its place (why else would it take so long?).

In the place of the once shattered television stands an operational television that broadcasts 1995’s Clueless in a way that allows one to see Alicia Silverstone’s head (new feature on the LEDs).

The storage bench originally delivered with an informative hand-written letter on the box, stating “please note this item is damaged” now sits in its designated nook area where I can look out on the city while reading.

And so the big pieces are in.

Yesterday was the day I got to hang stuff.

Project one: hanging three steel frames side by side above sofa.

Feels like an easy task. Smells like an easy task.  Sounds like an easy task.

Somehow not so easy a task.

How do I hang them equidistant from one another?  How do I makes sure they don’t fall (they’re heavy)? How do I make sure they’re level?  What if I make a hole and I need to start over?????

painter's tape

One week of mulling this over and 85 deep breaths later, I was having an informative yet firm session with my neighborhood therapist, known to the public as the salesperson at Ace Hardware.

She was helping me through visualization techniques while explaining to me the science behind the ANCHOR and SCREW combination.  Fascinating stuff.

Some breathing exercises and hugs later, I was on my way home ready to tackle this project.  After all, I constructed 4 pieces of furniture by myself, got my comforter into a brand new duvet and furnished an apartment from scratch.  How hard can it be to hang 3 fairly large, very heavy steel frames equidistantly on the wall??

The rest of the journey is best described with the following sequence of events:

1)       Measuring exact lengths of the frames and constructing them with painter’s tape on the wall (success)

2)      Spending entirely too much time measuring and re-measuring the placement of the holes for the screws in relation to the rest of the frame (15.5in ???  15.577in ???)

3)      Deciding to go for it with the hammer

4)      Making a hole in the wall with screw

5)      Taking screw out

6)      Watching pieces of plaster fall out of the originally believed to be dry-wall material (what. I guessed)

7)      Deciding to ignore this fact and keep going

8)      Sticking anchor into wall and attempting to hammer it the rest of the way in as demonstrated by Ace Hardware therapist

9)      Breaking the anchor in half

10)   Realizing 1.5 hours had gone by and it was 9pm

11)    Receiving noise complaint number 1

12)   Considering noise complaint (who sleeps at 9?)

13)   Deciding to ignore noise complaint

14)   Fetching another anchor

15)   Hammering

16)   Finding success

17)   Placing screw into anchor, finding the screwdriver and step-ladder  and applying some serious muscle to get that thing in there

18)   Measuring again

19)   Hammering

20)  Getting another anchor

21)   Hammering

22)   Screw-driver-ing

23)   Attempting to fit both screws inside the designated spaces on the back of the frame

24)   Cursing

25)   HANGING!!!

26)   Breathing

27)   Snacking

28)  Receiving noise complaint number 2

29)   Repeating steps 2-25

30)  Realizing it’s not level

31)   Cursing

32)   Using the hammer to knock those screws into place


34)   Repeating steps 2-25

35)   Realizing the spacing between the 3 frames is off

36)   Using the hammer to knock the screws around a bit


38)  Victory dance (Safe and Sound by Capital Cities)

My apartment

Post victory dance, I sat and admired the wall.  Currently hanging on my wall are three large frames housing enlarged 8 X 10 black and white photos of me with my mom, my little brother (lil bud) and my dad all taken in Kiev and developed at night by hand in our bathroom by my mother.

So happy to be making my space my home.


14 thoughts on “Home Design Project #62738

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