It’s true. I broke my wrist.
The right one.
I wish I could tell you that I got into a heated debate regarding the merits of placing college graduates in low-income public schools (it’s happened) or the reasons why Shark Fin soup should be outlawed (leave the sharks alone!). I wish I could tell you that no choice was left on my side (for the good of society) but to conk someone in the face at the expense of my wrist.
That would be too easy.
I fell doing the running man while rocking out to Russian pop hits of the 1980s on a docked (read: not moving) boat in a still harbor on Lake Michigan.
Obviously this is how it was going to go down.
22 years of hurling my body at great speeds at the ice rink didn’t do the trick.
At some point I had to break something right?? Just to right the world of falling down karma.
It finally happened.
At first I was in denial and kept moving about as usual (OH the blue and black marks on my arm… just a bruise!).
But then the blue wouldn’t go away and a few too many days later I found myself at the ER at the urging of friends, family, co-workers, my doorman and the homeless man outside Wholefoods.
So imagine my surprise when the ER doc told me it was FRACTURED.
I thought she was kidding.
She realized I thought she was kidding.
So she took me back to the x-ray lab to show me the x-rays on the special computer.
SO… she wasn’t kidding.
Clearly my first reaction was to assume this woman was a magician:
“Oh a splint and then possibly a cast?? BUT there are only 4 weeks left of the summer! I can’t have a broken wrist! I don’t think you understand.”
Unfortunately she didn’t use her magic wand to piece it back together.
So that sucks.
But I can still have the most Awesome end of summer EVER. Right?
First things first. I needed advice on how to proceed with the arm situation. So naturally I called little bro for advice.
- Me: little bro I broke my wrist
- Bro: you’ll be fine
- Me: How am I supposed to go to the beach?!
- Bro: Tie a bag around it
- Me: What bag?
- Bro: A Walgreens bag
- Me: Silence
- Bro: Or a black garbage bag. If you want to keep it classy
- Me: Love you
I’m a broken wrist rookie. Lucky for me, I have plenty of friends around who “have frequent flyer miles to the ER” (exact statement by one of my friends). So clearly I checked in with them.
All in all though, I’ve been stumbling and learning as I go.
Things I’ve learned:
- The iPhone Voice-Text/E-mail option MUST have been created by someone who had just broken their wrist. I have a sneaky suspicion that my new addiction to voice-dictation will stay with me for some time to come.
- The hardest thing in this world to do without the full dexterity of your wrist… is put on a bra. Stupid complicated little suckers. (And while we’re at it… bathing suits…can’t tie those damn ties).
- Typing. Really need two hands. Or an intern. hmmmm.
- Dining in nice restaurants is awkward. As in I shouldn’t be allowed. The display of eating like a total train wreck is a special experience for everyone.
- Opening Jars. Just forget it.
- Getting caught in the rain. Two words: Not. Good.
- The game of Cornhole/bag toss/bags can totally still be played with the use of the opposite arm. You might hit pedestrians and your own partner in the head, but that’s really just part of the fun.
- Dishwashers are right up there with voice dictation software.
I shed half a tear, pooled moral support and moved forward on my quest to become ambidextrous.
The future isn’t looking as bleak now that I know I can:
Still see the Chicago skyline from the back of a boat:
And do crossword puzzles:
And attend firm-sponsored networking events where I eat too much food:
And read trash magazines where I gain wisdom and perspective about why it’ll be OK to turn 30 in a couple years:
The only thing that makes breaking a limb better … is one of your besties injuring something too. (What? Yes. This is my selfish moment.)
Lucky for me, one of my friends just sprained her ankle and was outfitted with non-other than a black brace.
The walk to this morning’s brunch date was classic. Me with my splint. She with hers. Me holding my arm up. She limping like a champ. I’m not gonna lie. It was adorable. And A-B-S-O-L-U-T-L-Y ridiculous. At one point we crossed the street and were walking head on with a girl who appeared to have just gotten some kind of ACL reconstructive surgery.
We almost invited her to brunch.
At some point, during the walk back, laughing close to tears, I decided it was going to be OK.
And that’s…. pretty Awesome.
*Note: this post was written largely with my left hand. Which is why it took about 5 days to write. That’s how much I love all of you. You’re welcome.
*Note 2: clearly there will now be a Broken Wrist Series of sorts… stay tuned.